Sunday, 25 September 2011

Obese and Older Mothers, do they deserve all the negative criticisms?!

Obese and Older Mothers do they deserve all the negative criticisms?

I will tell you now before you read any further that I am both of the above!

I was reading a post earlier and felt quite sad, that there always seems to be so much negativity over those overweight and those older women who have babies, why is there not any positive news about the older and more so overweight mothers!

So here I am to tell you about me, I turned 40 years young this year on January 1st and 25 days later gave birth to my gorgeous little baby boy Edward, my 4th child.
I am overweight, in fact obese, if not morbidly obese I weigh 17 stone at present, in the later part of my pregnancy I ballooned to 21/22 stone, though got quite uncomfortable as was suffering with polyhydramnios, after I gave birth I lost 4 stone instantly!

Me 34wks pregnant

The other three pregnancies I sailed through, couldn’t understand why women were always complaining about various ailments in pregnancy, in fact I seemed to totally blossom, felt healthier than ever in my pregnancies, I have always been on the sumptuous side, fluctuating as a lot do, but I consider myself to be healthy and active.

My third pregnancy I choose to have a water birth and it all went well, though why anyone chooses to go pain free I will never understand, giving birth naturally ruddy hurts!
I am all for worshipping the drug called epidural, but that is just my personal opinion and some of my close friends actually say they enjoyed giving birth naturally, I reply so did I when it was pain free for me.

Look closely I might be smiling, but holding the entinox(gas&air) tightly!

I am 40, so what, does that mean I am not going to be able to do the same as a young mother, have the same amount of energy, what truly is the difference, I know some wonderful women that were mothers at a very young age, my mother being one, she got married and had her first baby at 17years old, then she had her last baby her 7th my youngest brother at 44 years old and my mum, now 65 is incredibly active and mobile and at no point has she acted like an older mum in fact more like a friend the same age, she is my mum, she has her quirky side, but then so do I, I guess!

My Mum, a mother to 7 children!

I want to know why there is no positive notes posts about the larger mum, when I was pregnant I would go on a parenting site and there always seemed to be so many posts of those being overweight being almost ridiculed, being made to feel as though they shouldn’t be pregnant at all, it was so sad to read how many were worried thanks to Midwives making them feel so bad for being overweight and telling them worst case scenarios.

So a large woman carries excess skin, its thicker yes, but in illness we have more reserves is how I look at it, having scans are supposed to be a magical time, but for some and me too, it can be a time where you are treated so flippantly, made to feel as though we shouldn’t even be there as we make it tricky for a sonographer to do her/his job properly, but alas you get a few brilliant too, that make you feel so relaxed and positive, not even making you aware that you are overweight.
Do you know how awful it can feel to have a scan and walk out and then read, difficult to scan due to a high BMI, don't you think we are aware of the fact, without it written so boldly on the paperwork, one sonographer had me in tears twice, so I never went alone again!

I was lucky in the end too, to have a couple of lovely sonographer’s telling me, it comes down to being good at their jobs to seeing clearly and taking their time to get a decent image for us to share and look lovingly over at our new baby.

What we don’t tend to hear much about is how being underweight can have issues too and also you get mothers that are dependent on drugs, be it recreational or due to a life threatening condition, they too need a lot of care, same as women with alcoholism too need lots of care and help, etc etc
I don’t condone anyone, I don’t think it is anyone’s right to say who can and can not have a baby in life!

this is me the night before my daughter Anna was born April '09!
I didn’t decide to have children later in life, or to be a single parent, same as I didn’t consciously chose to be overweight too, well OK being overweight is something that I could and can do something about, but hey ho all in good time, I am comfortable in my skin, I love my children beyond what words can tell you, they are my reason for getting up in the morning, well they give me no choice the noisy little tykes!
Things just didn't work out as I would of hoped, well not yet, life isn’t always predictable you know and thank goodness it isn't or how dull would that be!

But let me tell you this, I had a great life pre my children, travelling the world, that I now hopefully can share some of my experiences and tales with them as they grow older.

So don’t look down your noses on women overweight some will have reasons behind being so, with low self esteems too, they don’t need the added burden of always reading and hearing about all the negative things being overweight can cause, they know it already!

Instead look at them as a person, often they will be some of the most giving, loving, faithful and wonderful friends you could hope to meet!

This is me 9mths Pregnant in Jan 2011 weighing over 20st
Hey I am overweight and I know what its like, I don’t need to be told all the downfalls, all the worst case scenarios, I have been teased and ridiculed, but you don‘t grow up in a family with seven children and not learn to be strong, so its all water off a ducks back to me, but to some it is so hurtful and knocks there confidence lots, it can make them not enjoy their own pregnancies, even if like me they sail through it!
Being overweight does not make us any less sensitive, any less educated or less active or beautiful!
I am me, I am not curvaceous I don’t have big breasts, I wish I did, I am plumptious and I tell everyone, it took a long time and a lot of money to have a figure like mine, in Africa it used to be a sign of wealth to be as I am.
This is me with Edward, he was about an hour old & I hadnt slept in 48hrs!

As to being older, come on please, seriously look around, you get young 14/15 year olds looking in there 20’s and you get 50 year olds looking as though they are still in there 30’s
Age is immaterial, its all in the mind, it is just a number!

Be positive, think positive and remember someone somewhere is suffering from a illness that there is no cure, leave picking on older and overweight people alone, grow some compassion, understanding and I can tell you, if you do look down on a group of people in any way shape or form, then I pity you, I really do, I believe everyone is an individual and should be seen as so, not grouped together just for having something in common!

Well that’s me, I am sharing some very personal photo’s to show that even plumptious, I am capable, unique and able to smile and look after myself and my children, as are so many other gorgeous and oveweight older women!


  1. well done you for having the confidence to do this post, and to share the wonderful photos. I am overweight now ( wasnt when I had kids) and the stigma even from 1 of my GP's is phenominal. I walk, I cycle, I do an active job, can swim 40 lengths of a 25m pool in 30 imns, so Im not unfit, just unable to loose weight.

  2. A very personal and insightful piece of writing and really brave of you! Edward is beautiful and I imagine that you are an amazing mum and that is all that matters in the end! I had my fourth child aged 39 and found it quite alarming to be labelled a geriatric mum! The doctors have also told me I really shouldn't have any more "at my age" but who knows?

  3. Fab post, you are indeed very beautiful. I am also currently around 17 stone and have small boobs for my size but I'll survive!

    I had my twins at 33 so not sure if that is old or not but like you say age really is immaterial, it is how you feel that counts. Mich x